Things I Wonder While Playing RE4

I know I'm a little late to the party when it comes to playing what many people considered the 2005 Game of the Year, but I'm really enjoying Resident Evil 4. Despite the fact that I see the "You Are Dead" screen roughly every five to ten minutes and I have to try again, I really like it. But there are some things about it that make me wonder. Even if you've never heard of the game, I hope you'll join me in pondering some of these.

The president's daughter has been kidnapped and must be rescued from some weird cult. Okay, I'll buy that for a plot. But why did they send just one guy after her? Don't we have green berets or SEALS or something. I feel like sending one ex-cop, no matter how stylish his haircut, just isn't enough.

And even if it has to be one guy for stealth purposes, why arm him with nothing more than a large knife and a handgun with ten bullets? Sure, ammo seems to be sitting on just about every shelf or pile of wood you pass, but that's just good fortune. I mean, couldn't they have given poor Leon an extra clip or two for his gun? That doesn't seem like it's asking for much.

Speaking of weapons, why do I have to buy them from some scary and vaguely Arabian looking merchant? This is supposed to be modern day Spain, not third century Cairo. Take that purple handkerchief away from your mouth, buddy. There aren't any dust storms about to kick up here and we are trying to conduct a business transaction. Oh, and by the way, how is it that I have to arduously fight my way forward to each new area, and when I get there, you're somehow there ahead of me with new stuff to sell? I have the only key to that gate; I'd really love to know how you got around it.

Why do the bad guys keep writing down their evil plans and then leaving the notes right in the middle of my path where I'm sure to find them? I appreciate the heads up, but I feel like your well laid plans would work better if you didn't explain to me how they work. And furthermore, if this is Spain, why are the notes always in English?

There is a warning on the game that says it contains "Strong language, and scenes of explicit violence and gore." Seriously, why even mention the language? The game would still be rated Mature without it. Anyone who is mature enough to be playing a survival horror game where the only way to survive is to shoot the people trying to kill you early and often is probably mature enough to handle the language. And besides, if you saw that many insane villagers coming after you with torches and pitchforks, you'd say that word too.

Regarding the gore, why can I shoot that guy in the face four times and barely slow him down, but if I shoot him in the knee and then kick him, he not only dies, but literally explodes? Something doesn't seem right there.

Oh, and about the "You Are Dead" screen. I realize that "Game Over" is cliche and all, but if I've just been decapitated by two crazed women with chainsaws, I know I'm dead. How about something helpful, like "RUN AWAY FASTER NEXT TIME! AND KICK DOWN THAT LADDER SO THEY CAN'T FOLLOW YOU!"

Those are just some things I've been thinking about over the past couple of days. Don't let this post make you think that violent games are bad. I haven't had a single urge to shoot anyone in real life because of this game, nor do I expect to in the future. I also play perfectly non-violent games as well. In fact, I would've been playing Donkey Konga this evening, a nice rhythm game where monkeys play the bongos, but the copy I got was defective and it wouldn't work. Imagine my disappointment. I can't find that game anywhere!